A short and lonely step

Go. No go. Go?

At our monthly IT department webinar was a presentation about psycho-social stress.

Oh, that sounds like me.

The past few years have been relentless. Even before the COVID pandemic my workload had grown substantially without assistance and recognition.

Add to that constantly increasing family demands as Alex entered high school and B began working from home.

Kita’s decline and passing added their own layers.

When the pandemic hit there was little chance to escape, to spend time alone with my thoughts.

It wasn’t until I actually got COVID and stayed home while the other two travelled to Singapore that I had more than a couple of days alone. And I was too sick to do much with those.

I found myself losing my dreams of travel, subsumed by all the other thoughts crowding my head.

As the world opened up, I used some of the saved credit to book flights to my calm place. Japan.

But it never seemed to be the right time to travel. Always something more important to do. Then we started with some much needed renovations to the house.

I finally delayed the trip, or so I thought, until the week after our return from South Korea. But what a wonderful trip that was! Maybe I didn’t need another holiday.

There’s another factor at work. My flight anxiety, the fear of turbulence. I can feel it, sick in my stomach, before travel. I know I should be fine, that I have done this so many times, but it refuses to disappear.

A mere hour before the change window closed, I delayed my flights to Japan.


Was it turbulence anxiety?

Maybe. But I don’t believe that’s entirely it.

I think it was triggered by a work email. The message that something needed to be done. Also the need to render more assistance to my family, that there were still things left undone.

Then I remembered the day of our flights back from Seoul, when I isolated myself alone in the airport hotel. I felt better after that.

I realised that there are things I need to deal with and that I need to find the time to do so.

So here I am at the Citadines Connect opposite Sydney Airport. First thing tomorrow I fly up to Cairns and Osaka.

I packed early, made certain to finish the things I needed to. B and Alex dropped me off at Padstow and I caught the train to Domestic under perfect late afternoon skies.

I have views across the airport, towards the McDonald’s where I had a quick dinner. It’s a nice hotel, but a little troublesome to walk to with all the construction.

On television, The Amazing Race Australia with contestants in Penang, Malaysia. We know there.

It’s time to sleep. Tomorrow I wake early and I am tired.


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